How to Perform a Wedding

Laws pertaining to wedding officiates vary by state. Some states require that officiants, even judges and members of the clergy, be licensed and registered to perform weddings, while others do not. For information regarding performing weddings, call the clerk of the county where the wedding will take place and ask if you will need any licenses or registration. It's a good idea to double check by looking up state laws as well.In order to perform a wedding ceremony there are a number of things you will need.

This is a general list of wedding officiant requirements that is valid in most areas. However, the laws do vary greatly by state and county, so we recommend you use this as a general guideline and not as legal advice.

 

Wedding Officiant Requirements

You must be ordained. There are a number of ways to become an ordained minister online. We recommend becoming ordained through the Universal Life Church Monastery.

In some states, you must have a letter of good standing from the ministry that ordained you. This letter must have your name, ordination date, and a signature from a ministry officer. This document must be notarized. We recommend you check with your local county clerk regarding their requirements.

You must have an ordination credential. This is a certificate with the same information as the letter of good standing. This certificate will likely be issued upon your ordination, and may be requested before you perform a ceremony, depending on state law. You must know the state law where the ceremony will be performed. Laws vary from state to state, and a county clerk or judge can explain them to you. This will also tell you what else you need.

You must have a certificate for the couple to sign. Certificates are cheap and come in a number of styles. The couple may have a specific one in mind when planning a wedding. Once you have all of these supplies and have made sure of the local laws, you are ready to perform the wedding ceremony. Every ceremony is different, but the follow the same general guidelines.

Consultations

A consultation with the engaged couple is usually done well in advance of the wedding ceremony. Consultations usually begin with a phone call or an in-person meeting to discuss the details of the ceremony. Meeting a couple in person is always ideal. This gives you a sense of their personalities and how they work together as a couple. Since all couples are different, no wedding ceremony is alike. You should explain the different options available, such ceremony length, whether they want a religious or secular ceremony and if they're looking for a fun, humorous experience, or a more somber and serious marriage ceremony. Ask questions about the couple and their preferences and personalities. Take notes on things such as the size of the wedding party, the date of the ceremony, the venue and the couples' religious preferences. Also worth noting are smaller details, such as what kind of music they'll be using, the involvement of family members, whether or not they'll be lighting a unity candle, etc.

We recommend keeping a book which lists all the different ceremony options, as well as examples for each options, that you can present to the couple during our consultation. If they are undecided as to what kind of ceremony is best for them, the book can help guide them in the right direction. Since planning a wedding can be a time-consuming and overwhelming experience, most couples are grateful any information and assistance you have to offer.

Let the couple know that hey can pick and choose highlights from different kinds of ceremonies in order to tailor-make their own. You may encourage personal touches, and giving each couple lots of options helps ensure that their ceremony is an original, personalized experience, catered to their unique needs and desires.

The best approach is to present and explain all the different options available, and let the couple decide for themselves what best suits their needs. However, if they are undecided or ask for your input, try to give honest advice based on their unique wishes, personalities and dynamic as a couple. The best marriage ceremonies are tailor-made for each couple, and should reflect their tastes, styles and love for one another. Weddings should feel special and personalized, and as if the married couple designed each and every detail themselves.

The Wedding

It is helpful to maintain a wedding binder, and bring this to every ceremony you attend. It is a lifesaver when it comes to last minutes changes, or when encountering problems or hold-ups. it also helps to have all my information at hand when you have more than one wedding in the same day, as to not confuse people and details. Always take notes on the ceremony, and keep track of aspects that go smoothly as well as areas that could use some improvement. This information is invaluable when it comes to planning future ceremonies. On that same note, taking plenty of pictures of the wedding, including even the most minor details, comes in handy as well. It may also help you to remember names and faces, which helps to cement bonds and make professional contacts.

Sample Ceremony

Opening Words, spoken by the minister: "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join (names) in matrimony commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this - these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Another variation: "Friends, we have joined here today to share with (names) an important moment in their lives. In their time together, they have seen their love and understanding of each other grow and blossom and now they have decided to life out the rest of their lives as one."

When performing weddings the words may be as similar or different as the pastor and couple choose. The key is that they all follow the same theme. Likewise, in some ceremonies request a parent, sibling, or close friend to 'give' the bride or groom to be wed. Phrases to use include "Who gives this woman to be wed?" or "Who supports this man in his marriage?" Some couples choose to leave this out entirely.

Once the couple has been given, there is typically an opening reading or prayer, spoken by the minister. This sets the tone for the wedding and can be anything from a bible verse, a humorous anecdote, a sentimental reflection, or anything else that deals with love, relationships, and marriages. Following this is where the pastor will speak the definition of weddings. This will be in the same tone as the opening reading, and will follow the subject of weddings in general, their significance, and their permanence.

Wedding Vows

Once the previous formalities have been performed, the bride and groom will read their vows. Vows can be anything the couple chooses to write, or the traditional "I, (name), take you (name) to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, from this day forward until death do us part."

Vows typically follow the themes of unity, permanence, respect, friendship, and love. They are a pledge of togetherness for the couple to take before witnesses. Many couples will write their own, and there is no need to change them.

Once the vows are complete, there is the exchanging of rings, gifts, or whatever other symbolic item the couple decides to exchange. Typically there are a few short words said by the couple. This is one of the shortest parts of performing a wedding, and yet one of the hardest when planning a wedding. Once the exchange is done, the couple may have a unity ceremony to be performed. If so, it would be performed now.

Ceremony Closing

The beginning of the closing when performing weddings is not standardized. It can be a poem, prayer, or final thoughts of the pastor sanctioning the ceremony. It will be your final thoughts. Following this short speech comes the declaration of marriage. This is the traditional "By the power vested in me by the State, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

The final act of performing a wedding is the introduction of the newlyweds. This is a short line, similar to "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. (name), or whatever variation is appropriate. The assembled guests will then stand and applaud, followed by an exit.