How to Perform a Buddhist Wedding

Wednesday, 13 January 2010 15:35

Overview

There are no concrete rules for a Buddhist wedding. There are some things that are commonly practiced, but Buddha considered this to be a social event, with the proceedings decided by those involved. For example, in Japan it has become fashionable to have a Western-style wedding, complete with a "priest" who may or may not be ordained to perform the ceremony, no matter what religion the young couple might practice.

Keep this in mind if you are helping plan a Buddhist wedding: the ceremony is decided by the couple and their families, not religious tradition. Since Buddhism is practiced in so many cultures around the world, there are many styles of Buddhist weddings, each with its own cultural significance and standards.  What follows are general guidelines and commonly practiced traditions, which may or may not be followed by the parties involved.

Wedding Dress

Since this is a secular affair, the bride and groom's clothing is determined mostly by where they're from: silk gowns in China and much of south Asia, saris in India, and yukatas in Japan. The bride's gown is generally red, since it is considered by most Eastern cultures to be a lucky color. In Japan, couples often wear Western clothes for the ceremony, but have photos made of themselves in traditional yukatas for their wedding album.

Before the Wedding

The engagement is made by the groom's family asking the bride's family for permission. They will be working together throughout this process.

A Buddhist wedding should be performed on an auspicious date for the bride, the groom, and the groom's family, as determined by the lama. This is done in a meeting between the lama and the groom's family. The date is formally announced to both families by the astrologer at the Chessian Betrothal ceremony. The maternal uncle of the bride is seated on a raised platform, while a monk recites prayers and offers the guests the holy drink madyan.

The Wedding

While traditionally a wedding is held at a temple, today it's as likely to take place at a banquet hall. Not all Buddhist temples perform marriages, and the use of lamas in the ceremony is a relatively recent tradition.

A Buddhist marriage is not seen as joining of two people like most other weddings, but as a partnership between two people to help each other reach Nirvana.

The bride and groom walk down the aisle holding o juju, strings of 21 beads representing Buddha, themselves, and their families. The couple bow in front of either a Buddha image or a lama, and recite prayers and chants they feel are significant, lighting incense and candles in front of the Buddha. The Buddha's sermon at Rajagaha, verses 19-22 is a popular choice, as it deals with marriage in relation to spiritual enlightenment.

Either the parents of the couple or the lama places a loop of strings on their heads to connect them, symbolizing a tying together of their lives and minds. The couple then make an offering, which can be anything from food to medicine. Sometimes offerings of flowers are made to the parents, and a donation of money is made to the temple.

If lamas are present, they also wear loops of string, and recite blessings for the bride and groom. Finally, red paste is applied to the foreheads of the couple.

After the Wedding

Like the wedding, the party afterward is a matter of personal choice. Indian practitioners will have a procession line, in which guests tie strings around the wrists of the couple and offer advice.

After the celebration, the newlyweds go to their new home rather than traveling for their honeymoon. If the ceremony didn't take place at a temple, the new couple may visit one afterwards to make an offering of food.